These Phrases from My Parent That Rescued Me during my time as a New Father

"I believe I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the truth rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The direct words "You aren't in a healthy space. You need some help. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on moms and about PND, less is said about the difficulties fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader inability to talk among men, who often internalise negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a show of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a break - going on a couple of days abroad, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a family member, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their pain, transformed how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I feel like my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."