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The current period represents a full decade since the phrase “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could suddenly stop contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the height of indignity. We were so innocent. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more bewildering – an commonly fruitless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who matured during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the search of both. To echo one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – In the view of Zoomers, romance's gold standard is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reaction is interested or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This means going for someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes partners who choose against having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: utilizing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal quirks indicating a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions affirm your choice to date a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group many young men is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane repulsions that instantly extinguish any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful act.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {